It's true that, as lawn dart proponents remind us, the game is perfectly safe if played according to the rules. We're assuming that exploding tip lawn darts were also considered at some point. This toy went with the strategy of taking darts, a game clearly unsafe for children, and deciding it would be safer if it were 10 times larger, and if the rules were changed so that the target was basically your entire lawn. Viable substitute for baby food." Continue Reading Below The label encasing the egg was still written in German when it landed in America, so the product would have been about as safe if the packaging had been in English and read, "Warning: There are no small parts for your children to choke on in here. The toy might have been safer on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, but America's childhood obesity and early on-set diabetes rates should have been a huge red flag to the import company that Americans kids probably wouldn't even take the time to unwrap the thing before shoveling it into their mouths.Īnd, if there were any warnings about the surprise toy inside, not only would our children's low literacy rates prevent them from reading, but even the parents wouldn't know about it. The edible treat is chocolate, the closest thing children have to heroin. It's an edible treat wrapped around an inedible mound of plastic with even tinier bits of choke-tastic plastic encased inside.
There were also more difficult to confirm reports of the doll's eyes suddenly turning a bright red and the room temperature dropping 15 degrees Celsius every time you turned it on.
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Parents reported their children's hair, fingers and skin getting caught in the doll's gullet, which turned out to be so powerful, it could even rip hair clean out of its roots. Lord knows how the kids got the plastic foods out of them once they were done eating them, but in many unfortunate cases, the doll instead developed a taste for bloody scalps. It was supposed to eat little plastic snack foods through a motorized mouth. The doll was unleashed on the masses in the fall of 1996 and more than 500,000 were recalled less than a year later by the U.S. Sure, it's outstretched arms look innocently huggable to a child, just like the moist mouth of a Venus fly trap looks like a perfectly good place to land in the final moments of a fly's life. They've always had lifeless shark's eyes that look ready to roll over white and enter attack mode.
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It's not entirely surprising that a Cabbage Patch Kids doll ended up trying to eat children.
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